Rejection is a huge fear for many people, but a trending form of “therapy” involves putting that fear front and center. With a quick scroll on TikTok you’ll find plenty of videos of people undergoing so-called “rejection therapy” and raving about the results.
In the videos, people can be seen putting themselves in a slew of situations where they could be socially rejected, like asking someone to buy them a Slurpee, giving their number to someone interesting, or requesting to fill up their own balloon at a party store. The goal, posters share, is to help build up confidence in future social situations. Fans of rejection therapy make some big claims, with one person saying it “changed my life in less than one year.”
Of course, TikTok isn’t always known for dispensing accurate medical info, making it understandable to wonder if rejection therapy is actually legitimate. We tapped mental health experts to weigh in.
Experts Featured in This Article:
Gail Saltz , MD, is an associate professor of psychiatry at the NY Presbyterian Hospital Weill-Cornell School of Medicine.
Lily Brown, PhD, is the director of research at the Center For the Treatment and Study of Anxiety at the University of Pennsylvania.
Hillary Ammon, PsyD, is a clinical psychologist at the Center for Anxiety and Women’s Emotional Wellness.
What Is Rejection Therapy?
Rejection therapy was founded by Canadian entrepreneur Jason Comely, who created suggestion cards that encouraged people to purposefully try to be rejected in order to be more courageous in the future, according to the rejection therapy website. It was later acquired by entrepreneur Jia Jiang, who is the founder of the blog and video series, 100 Days of Rejection.
But rejection therapy isn’t a research-based form of psychotherapy, says Gail Saltz, MD, associate professor of psychiatry at the NY Presbyterian Hospital Weill-Cornell School of Medicine and host of the “How Can I Help?” podcast. However, she says that what people are doing on TikTok appears to be a form of what’s called exposure therapy, just without the help of a licensed mental healthcare provider.
Exposure therapy “has been around for decades,” says psychologist Lily Brown, PhD, director of research at the Center For the Treatment and Study of Anxiety at the University of Pennsylvania. “We do this with patients with social anxiety disorder who are struggling to live their life the way they want to for fear of rejection,” Dr. Brown explains. “We create ways for them to decatastrophize being rejected.”
But exposure therapy is done under the guidance of a licensed mental healthcare provider – and the TikTok version of rejection therapy isn’t. “This is just seeking repeated rejection without an actual cognitive behavioral therapy-trained psychotherapist managing the exposure,” Dr. Saltz tells PS. “This may be either ineffective or actually harmful.”
Hillary Ammon, PsyD, a clinical psychologist at the Center for Anxiety & Women’s Emotional Wellness, agrees, calling this a “self-help guided card game.”
Rejection Therapy Benefits
Rejection therapy is rooted in theories that are similar to exposure therapy, Dr. Ammon says. “Essentially, rejection therapy encourages people to engage in one challenging task each day, in a situation that may cause rejection,” she tells PS. “For the people participating in these tasks, these challenges may help increase confidence and decrease their sensitivity to failure and rejection.”
Actual exposure therapy “is helpful in treating many fears, including specific phobias, e.g. dogs or flying, posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), and social anxiety disorder,” Dr. Ammon explains. “Through exposure therapy, clients gradually approach their fears in a hierarchical manner.” The goal of exposure therapy is for someone to realize that it’s not all that bad to be rejected, Dr. Brown says.
“It’s also unlikely that people will be outright rejected,” she adds. “On average, people don’t tend to get the rejections that they think they’ll get.”
One practice with exposure therapy is to have someone stand in front of a coffee shop and ask others where the nearest coffee shop is. Another may ask someone to start dancing in public, like on a sidewalk. “You’ll be amazed how many people will kindly respond or giggle,” Dr. Brown says. “It updates the probability in your mind that something bad will happen.”
But Dr. Saltz stresses that rejection therapy is not the same as exposure therapy. “Exposure and response prevention is not the same as this TikTok trend, which is based off a game created by a non-mental health professional,” she says. “I can’t tell you what, if any, benefit could result from just running around getting rejected.”
Rejection therapy seems to encourage people to try to get rejected, “whereas in typical exposure therapy, it’s leaning into the possibility that rejection could happen,” Dr. Ammon says.
Risks of Rejection Therapy
Like the benefits of rejection therapy, it’s difficult to know for sure what risks may be involved in doing this. However, experts do have some concerns about trying rejection therapy.
“In a non-therapy setting, asking to get rejected could simply make you feel repeatedly rejected, and more hopeless,” Dr. Saltz says. Dr. Ammon says it could also stress people out. “Rejection therapy interventions are meant to cause discomfort and distress,” she says. “If you’re struggling to manage that discomfort or distress independently, it could negatively impact your well-being versus improve confidence.”
Who Is Rejection Therapy Good For?
Some people on TikTok swear that rejection therapy has helped them to feel more confident, but mental health practitioners are wary of recommending this for anyone. “It’s not an actual therapy,” Dr. Saltz warns.
Though, Dr. Ammon says there may be some value in rejection therapy for people who simply want to expand their comfort zones and feel more confident. “It may not be appropriate for people struggling with very low confidence or severe social phobias,” she says. “For these individuals, structured exposure therapy with a licensed professional may be more appropriate.”
How to Get Started With Rejection Therapy
If you want to try the rejection therapy that people on TikTok are doing, the company has several products you can buy, including $10 card games, a 30-day course, and a book called Rejection Proof. But exposure therapy is a practice that’s led by a mental healthcare provider, and usually one who specializes in the treatment of anxiety disorders.
“The best way to do this is with the support of a therapist,” Dr. Brown says. Dr. Saltz also recommends seeing a mental health professional. “There is a lot of mental health misinformation on social media, including TikTok,” she says. “It can be more harmful than helpful.”
Korin Miller is a writer specializing in general wellness, health, and lifestyle trends. Her work has appeared in Women’s Health, Self, Health, Forbes, and more.
