Flirting looks more different today than ever before. Though there’s more texting, there’s less talking. There’s more dating apps, but less dates. There’s more emoji, but less eye contact. Even if you did decide to be bold and strike up a conversation with a random person on the street, they probably wouldn’t hear you through their AirPods anyway.
“Years ago, the art of flirting took place out in the wild – crowded bars, coffee shops, the gym, or busy street corners,” dating expert Hannah Feminella says. “Now, we’ve got generations of flirters who are more comfortable swiping and texting than striking up conversations.”
It’s not just that people are more comfortable flirting over text messages, though. It’s that they may have never been taught how to flirt without their phone (or a fire emoji) in the first place.
Sure, some people may know to use the triangle method they heard about from TikTok or ask their crush a question about their zodiac sign or birth chart. But somewhere between then and now, we’ve seemed to have lost the art of knowing how to flirt.
Below, our experts explain how to bring your connections back in real life.
Experts Featured in This Article
Hannah Feminella is a dating expert and the co-founder at First Round’s On Me.
Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, PhD, is a dating expert and Kinsey-certified sex researcher.
How to Flirt
Knowing how to flirt with someone is not easy, especially when there are limited interactions with people in real life. With help from experts, here are some tips to keep in mind the next time you want to make a move.
Find Your Own Style
Flirting is what happens when you “engage in a behavior that’s meant to express or gain attraction to and from another person,” dating expert Tara Suwinyattichaiporn (better known as “Dr. Tara”), PhD, says. “It’s an often indirect way of letting someone know you’re interested in them and want their attention.” But flirting can look however you want it to look.
For this reason, it’s important to develop your own personal flirting style. If you see someone you’re interested in, do you want to lead with a compliment or playful banter? Do you want to be more mysterious or express your interest right from the beginning? “Find your own brand of flirting,” Dr. Tara says.
Be Observant
It can be intimidating to strike up a conversation with a stranger out of nowhere, which is why it’s important to observe your surroundings. “Comment on what they’re doing or wearing,” Feminella suggests. If they’re drinking coffee, ask them if it’s good and if you should order the same. If they’re wearing a band tee, ask them more about their music taste.
Prioritize Eye Contact
Eye contact is extremely important if you want to express that you’re interested in someone. “I recommend making deep eye contact if you want to show your attraction and interest in taking things further,” Dr. Tara suggests. (There’s a reason why the triangle method is so effective.)
Just don’t take eye contact overboard. You want to express interest without looking like you’re staring into someone’s soul, y’know?
Lean Into Your Shyness
If flirting feels new to you, don’t be afraid to lean into that feeling. “It’s OK and can even be charming to say that you are shy,” Dr. Tara says. In some cases, it may even make them more comfortable and encourage them to lead the conversation.
Get Comfortable With Rejection
In some cases, flirting in person may become a form of rejection therapy. Someone who you approach may have a partner already or just simply not be interested. That’s OK! The more comfortable you get with rejection, the easier it will be to get rejected. And the more practice you have flirting, the better you will be at it.
Be Confident
The most important thing you can do when you’re trying to flirt with someone is be confident. “It’s cliche, but be yourself and know your worth, and you’ll attract the right kinds of people,” Dr. Tara says.
At the end of the day, we’re all living in this world that is severely deprived of human interaction. Even if your flirting attempt doesn’t end in your happily ever after, you’ve at least made it further than the fire emoji could probably take you.
Taylor Andrews is a Balance editor at PS who specializes in topics relating to sex, relationships, dating, sexual health, mental health, and more.
