I found many reasons to love second gentleman’s Doug Emhoff’s speech at Tuesday night’s Democratic National Convention, but the tribute to his “big, beautiful blended family” resonated deeply.
My parents split up when I was 12 – like Cole and Ella Emhoff, at a very formative age. Although my parents’ divorce was painful at the time, being part of my own big, beautiful blended family has impacted my life positively in ways I never could have predicted.
During an election year when J.D. Vance has not only demonized childless people but lumped Vice President Kamala Harris in with that lot, I think it’s important not to diminish the importance of stepparents. Not only is divorce an incredibly common occurrence, but – as Emhoff’s speech acknowledged – blended families can offer extraordinary benefits that often go unrecognized.
My family started out very small: dad, mom, brother, me. But when my dad remarried when I was 20, I went from having the most classic nuclear family to being part of a massive blended family that just keeps getting bigger. The photo above was taken at Thanksgiving about 10 years ago. That’s my mom on the far left and my dad on the far right. In between is just family.
I still refer to Dee as my “stepmom” for clarity’s sake, but mostly I just call her Dee. I used to refer to Dee’s sons as my stepbrothers, but as our family grows bigger, I’ve ditched the qualifiers for the most part and call them “brothers.” While we didn’t grow up under the same roof, they have been my brothers for 25 years.
Like the Emhoffs, my parents were dedicated to being amicable co-parents.
Of course, I have a special bond with my biological brother, Paul. We are only 15 months apart in age, we helped each other get through our parents’ divorce, and we still help each other work through life’s challenges. Now, Paul is a proud stepfather himself. He’s also a wonderful dad, even though the daughters he is helping to raise are not biologically his.
Like the Emhoffs, my parents were dedicated to being amicable co-parents. My parents told us that they were getting a divorce shortly after Thanksgiving in 1992. To help soften the blow, they assured us that we’d all celebrate Christmas together as a family. By the next year, my dad was dating Dee. They invited my mom to spend Thanksgiving with my dad, Dee, and her family – and it’s been that way every holiday for more than 30 years.
Now, different households take turns hosting holiday celebrations; even my mom hosts. Although I don’t always make it back for the party (I’m the only one who doesn’t live in my hometown), I love knowing that all the people I love are spending holidays together. In fact, I recently learned that I was left off of a family “party planning” text chain and demanded to be on it, despite not being there to enjoy the crabmeat salad.
I love how my blended family has shaped me as a person and how it has changed the way I define “family.”
I love how my blended family has shaped me as a person and how it has changed the way I define “family.” I think one reason divorce can be so traumatizing, especially for a 12-year-old, is that it can feel like one day you have a family and the next day you don’t. While I mourned the dissolution of our nuclear family, I also accepted that it was no longer an option. I focused instead on embracing a new family, and my family allowed itself to blend and morph into a new form.
As a result, various members of my family have formed friendships that exist separate from the larger organism. I babysat for my nieces and nephew when I was in high school, my sister-in-law was my math tutor (pity her), my brothers play tennis together, my mom is always taking somebody out to lunch or dinner, and my stepbrother officiated Paul’s wedding.
I like to think that my family is better than most at embracing change. We welcome new members but also understand that people come and go. My blended family was incredibly supportive of me during my divorce, for instance, and again when I found a new partner. When dealing with life’s challenges – divorce, addiction, death – and life’s happy moments, it’s a gift to have such a large support system.
As an adult who is childless by choice, I care deeply about our country’s future – despite what Vance might think. Thanks in part to my big, beautiful blended family, I have and have had many children in my life who I love, listen to, offer advice to, and do my best to inspire. Some of my favorite kids aren’t my own, and some of the best people I know are “just” stepparents.
My whole life, I’ve waited to see a woman president. But it wasn’t until last night, hearing Emhoff praise Harris as a woman and as a stepparent, that I realized how exciting it will be to see a blended family in the White House, too.
Nancy Einhart is the head of content at PS, where she manages the editorial, video, social content, and creative teams. She previously worked at PS from 2006 to 2020, where she served as executive editor and SVP of content, overseeing entertainment and lifestyle creators.
