It’s no secret that dating apps are at a crossroads. With 79 percent of Gen Z reporting dating app fatigue, young singles are turning to the techniques of their forefathers to meet people: singles events. To capture the attention of a chronically online generation, where swiping through potential matches is practically a sport, companies need to be innovative in their approach to getting singles off a screen. At least that’s the case for Matchbox.
Matchbox is a dating and matchmaking service designed to bring people together through shared core values, partnering with social clubs and dating companies to host events throughout the country. Using the technology behind The Marriage Pact, a survey software created by two Stanford students, Matchbox’s team of “relationship scientists” developed an algorithm in 2024 to pair guests with their “most compatible,” turning dating events into a game of guess-who before revealing everyone’s match.
Having garnered 99,000 followers between Instagram and Tiktok, Matchbox events have been hosted in locations ranging from a subway station speakeasy to rooftop bars and backyard gardens. New York City, where I live, having recently been voted the “worst city to date in America,” I figured I’d try my luck at the latest dating trend.
On a Friday night, I arrived at an event space in the Flatiron District around 7 p.m. Hosted by Met Through Friends, each ticket holder was required to bring a plus-one who is of the gender they’re typically attracted to. Upon arrival, my friend and I entered through a narrow hallway where one of the Met Through Friends representatives greeted us. We were each handed a drink ticket and question card to facilitate conversation once we got upstairs.
The elevator opened into a lounge with purple mood lighting and a bar toward the back. We were given a QR code to a survey that would determine our best match. The questions operated on a sliding scale of one to seven (one being strongly disagree, seven being strongly agree) and were quite a range: How much does your family’s opinion of your relationship matter to you? How much does your religious background inform your morals? Do you believe in ghosts? Would you have a threesome? After submitting the survey, it was time to mingle.
The crowd was diverse, with a wide range of ages, ethnicities, and backgrounds, but primarily those in their 20s and 30s. For the first hour or so, people mostly stayed in their pairs, meandering around the increasingly crowded space and sipping on their mixed drinks while scoping the room for people who pique their interest. Some groups planted themselves on the couches, inviting other pairs to join them and chat using the conversation cards placed around the room.
As my friend and I spoke with several different groups, I noticed a few recurring themes. First, most ticket holders were straight women, so the majority of men there were plus-ones. And second, if my guy friend and I were in a conversation with another man, almost the entire conversation was directed towards my friend, including questions about me. With that in mind, it seemed as though the majority of male attendees were less interested and genuinely invested in the event.
Although I wasn’t surprised that most ticket holders were female, what did surprise me was that many of the people there, specifically the men (save a small handful), weren’t as outgoing or open as I would have expected. At first I thought it was just nerves or initial awkwardness, but as the night wore on, a pattern developed. Even as “clues” for the matches began to be released around 8:15 p.m., which broke everyone into progressively smaller groups to bring them closer to their match, conversation seemed strained. Others hardly bothered speaking at all. On the other hand, most – if not all – of the women there were actively starting conversations and deepening them as the night went on.
Just before matches were released around 9:00, a countdown appeared on everyone’s phones, building anticipation for the reveal. Upon release, each person was given the name of their match and a brief explanation for why they were paired. My match, who I had spoken to earlier in the evening, informed me that he had to leave to go to a pre-game at his friend’s house and promptly left five minutes later. By 9:15, nearly half the room had cleared out.
The male friend I brought along already has a date planned with his match. Meanwhile, I was left to wonder what these observations indicate about the state of dating, particularly in a big city. “It just seemed like most of the men didn’t want to be there,” my friend remarked once we left. It appeared that many of them just came to do a favor for whoever invited them, rather than date for themselves. I thought, does the “men are like cabs” theory, coined by Miranda Hobbes in “Sex and the City,” have some truth to it? Are single men in New York disinterested in committing, regardless of how great the girl is, until a switch flips in their brain that they’re “ready to settle down” and be out of the casual sex phase?
While men were clearing out moments after matches were disclosed, many of the women stayed until the very end, talking to different people, revisiting previous conversations, and connecting with other girls in attendance. Perhaps, women are the target consumer for romantic hope.
There were certainly a good handful of people who appeared to hit it off and spoke for most of the evening, but several guests seemed to leave more disgruntled than before. The algorithm patented by Matchbox was the most questionable part of the event as it matched at least two pairs with their original plus-one and the “explanations” given behind the matches made little sense and were clearly written by AI, reading, “You are tenacious, but unlike most people who are tenacious, you value your family’s opinion on your love life.”
My friend and I, despite matching with different people, had extremely similar explanations. Albeit I understand that matches would be impossible to hand-select in such a short time, simple improvements could be made to mitigate the risk of matching with who you came with.
Although this event was oriented towards heterosexual couples, Matchbox and Met Through Friends also host dating parties for queer and transgender people, as well as people exploring sobriety, dog owners, and those looking to make new friends.
Overall, I would recommend going into a Matchbox event, or a singles party of any kind, ready to accept the fact that it will be a bit awkward. Embrace it. Go in open to talking with everyone and take the matchmaking algorithm with a grain of salt. It may not be the one-size-fits-all solution to the hellscape of dating in NYC, but it beats scrolling through apps matching with people you’ll likely never meet.
Abby Balter is a culture writer based in New York City. Abby is passionate about covering everything from politics and social justice to sex and relationships to the fashion and art landscape. Abby’s work has been featured in PS, Boston Common Magazine, the Cambridge Chronicle, and more.
