Being the “personality hire” looks easy. To an outsider, they’re the ones flitting about the office, doing more chatting than working. In reality, it’s hard work. Not only are you going out of your way to be social and make your team feel comfortable, but you also have to keep up with your day-to-day responsibilities. At least, that’s according to the actual personality hires who spoke to PS.
A recent poll from the career site Monster found that nearly half of respondents (48 percent) self-identified as “personality hires” hired for their social savvy vs. talent with “hard skills” relevant to their roles, such as coding, writing, or accounting.
Externally, these charismatic coworkers can get a bad rap – people underestimate them, assuming they got their jobs due to charm and not talent. And internally, that can have serious negative impacts too, causing feelings of impostor syndrome, says Frederick, a 25-year-old engineer in New York and self-identified personality hire.
Although there are some downsides, there are also some pros: these workers can serve as trustworthy safe spaces and listening ears for coworkers who need to vent. They can also bring together teams and foster camaraderie. Plus, they may be more skilled at customer service and managing external clients.
But yeah, many are struggling with the ups and downs of being the office darling. We asked three self-identified personality hires about what it really means.
Frederick*, 25
Location: New York
Occupation: Design engineer
The first time Frederick identified that he might be a “personality hire” was when he saw his friend post a video on TikTok describing one. When he thought about it, Frederick realized he did put a lot more effort into socializing than some of his colleagues, as the video suggested, but he generally believes it to be a strength.
“I’m a bit more social, and I’ve noticed that a lot of people come to me when they need help with administrative tasks,” he says. “They feel comfortable with me . . . I think it’s partially because my parents were always nice and welcoming, and they instilled those values in me. They taught me, there’s never a good reason to be an asshole to someone. If someone is saying something, they have something valuable to say.”
With that said, the unofficial role has its pros and cons. Whereas colleagues tend to approach Frederick with admin questions, they don’t as often with more technical challenges, making him feel more like a secretary than an equal.
“It’s a double-edged sword.”
Helping colleagues and being social also takes time and energy. “It’s a double-edged sword,” Frederick says. “It can be annoying because it takes away my focus on tasks I need to get done, but at the same time, I’m grateful that I’ve created a space where people feel comfortable asking me any question. I’m usually more grateful than annoyed.”
Frederick is the youngest person in his department and it’s his first job, so he says those factors may go into why more colleagues feel fine turning to him for help. Still, sometimes he wonders if there’s more to it. “A lot of administrative tasks historically get pushed onto women, and I don’t know if it’s also because I’m gay and people perceive gay people to be feminine, and that’s why some of these tasks get pushed to me,” he adds.
In general, Frederick has noticed that a lot of people who “own” the personality hire trait tend to identify as more femme. “Feminine people – whether cis-het women or cis gay men or any combo of genders and sexualities . . . It’s like their time doesn’t matter as much,” he says, adding that these workers have also traditionally had to take on more emotional labor in general, which may set them up to be the connector or pacifier at work. This can translate to being seen as a personality hire, Frederick says.
“It’s like people take you a little less seriously, even though the work you do helps keep other people moving,” he adds. “It’s where you fit in, but you may not necessarily want to – and some of your agency at work is stripped from you.”
With that said, Frederick acknowledges that he could also set more boundaries. He’s working on it. For instance, he’s trying to get better at saying: “I can’t help you right now, but I can in two days.” He adds, “If I’m able to do it, I’m happy to help, but I can’t help everyone all the time,” he adds. “I’m trying to ask myself more often, ‘Is it more important to do my task or help this other person?'”
Frederick also has struggled with impostor syndrome, but when those thoughts creep in, he tries to remind himself: “The reason I’m the personality hire is that I’ve displayed curiosity in the past and the ability to speak with others in productive ways. The only way to learn is by continuing to ask questions.”
With that in mind, he’s learning to see it as a strength and remember all the many things he brings to the table, too, beyond his sparkling social skills. Frederick says, “It’s a lot more difficult to teach someone to be a nice, fun person than it is to teach them technical skills.”
Stephiney Foley, 37
Location: Seattle
Occupation: Co-founder and CEO at Yuzi Care
For years, Stephiney Foley felt like both the “token woman” and “personality hire” on her teams. She had this feeling when she served as a captain in the US Army, and later as a product manager in the tech industry. “I’ve been told that I was hired more for my personality than my skills, and it made me feel awful,” she says. “It often felt like I was brought in to fill a diversity quota rather than being valued for my contributions.”
As she faced these stereotypes, she says the mantra that got her through was: “I’ll show you! I will let my actions show you that I am more than just what you think.” And she did. Her performance and results ended up speaking louder than her personality ever could.
Eventually, she left to found her own startup. Now Foley’s an employer on the other end of the personality hire dynamic. “I think very carefully about who I hire,” she says. “Personality is a big part of cultural fit, but I’m committed to ensuring that every team member is valued for both their skills and who they are as a person. Our team is small, so every hire really counts, and I strive to create an environment where no one ever feels like they’re just a ‘personality hire.'”
Maria*, 29
Location: Vancouver, Canada
Occupation: Operations advisor
Maria dropped out of college when she was 20, which made building her career a bit more difficult. “It’s so hard to get that first job,” she says. “I wanted to get into administrative work, but didn’t have experience with bookkeeping or any qualifications.” But she had at least one powerful strength: Maria was great at interviews. “I’ve been told in multiple jobs I was selected because I seemed like a better fit to work alongside,” she says. Being cordial got Maria into her first administrative gig – and she quickly learned the hard skills on the job.
Although her charisma got her in the door, she felt she was providing value to her team. “Teams need the type of person who’s able to handle the heavy workload,” Maria says, “but still be able to joke around, have fun, and be a sociable person. It brings up morale.”
And this quality helped her advance. She started her first job as an executive assistant to top realtors in her area, then moved over to a venture fund. Now she’s an operations advisor at a top clean energy company, where the team’s internal customer service score has skyrocketed since she joined.
Still, she’s had moments where she wondered if she was hired because she was actually good at her job, or if she just skated by on charm, especially shortly after starting her most recent role. But when those doubts cropped up, Maria reminded herself of something she saw on social media: “I saw this study that said a large percent of men in top corporate jobs aren’t qualified to be there, but they apply anyway, and that’s why they get the jobs.” She adds, “There’s no reason why women can’t take impostor syndrome and flip that around and turn it into helpful arrogance – the same type of arrogance that men would have if they were in that position.”
Now, Maria thinks of her personality as more of a skill in itself – a benefit to her employer, and not just herself. “So many people have degrees, and that helps them, even though they might not even use what they learned in college on the job,” Maria says. “Personality is one way to level the playing field.”
Molly Longman is a freelance journalist who loves to tell stories at the intersection of health and politics.
