I’m embarrassed to admit that I used to be one of those girls in their 20s who felt genuinely sorry for single women in their 40s and beyond. And I don’t mean that from a place of looking down on them or thinking I was somehow better. In fact, when I was growing up, women in their 40s and beyond were always way cooler to me than women in their 20s and 30s. They were way more beautiful and womanly in my opinion. They dressed better, they had better taste in everything from shoes to restaurants, and they leaned into their femininity in a very comfortable and self-assured way – not as a tactic to attract the male gaze, but because they were just at ease with who they were. They were confident, they were intuitive, they were experienced, they were unapologetically themselves and always full of wisdom.
But despite how amazing I knew they were, I grew up watching the single ones often give up on love or end up in relationships with men who, I could immediately tell, weren’t worth their time. It didn’t matter if these women were accomplished, made six figures, looked 10 years younger than they were, or had raised wonderful kids. In my communities – and especially in Latine communities – there was this underlying idea that a woman over 40 was somehow “defective” and less likely to find love, unless she settled for someone who was older, divorced, and done having kids.
As I got older, though, I started to notice that this “sad reality” wasn’t reality at all – it was a double standard rooted in misogyny. And today, I’ve seen so many Latina celebs reject that myth. Sofia Vergara, in her 50s, has openly shared in interviews how she hasn’t given up on love at all. Jessica Alba, who had a major glow-up post-divorce at 44, is dating the handsome and talented 32-year-old actor Danny Ramirez. As a single mom of three, she looks happier and more radiant now than ever before.
It doesn’t stop there. Salma Hayek found love at 40, eventually married, and became a mom. Eva Longoria embraced a beautiful relationship at 40 and became a mom later in life. Eva Mendes found her perfect match with Ryan Gosling at 39, and she has shared that it was well worth the wait. She had both their daughters in her 40s. Even Cameron Diaz got married at 42 and has spoken about how the timing couldn’t have been better.
All of these incredible women are living proof that love doesn’t have an age cap. They’re changing the narrative and showing that romance can bloom beautifully at any stage of life. It doesn’t matter if you’re a single mom of three or a 40-year-old woman who still hasn’t had kids of your own. Seeing these beautiful and successful women live and love so fully has helped me realize that my own story is just beginning, no matter what age I am.
What I have come to realize is that the ageist narrative – that women lose value as they get older – is one of the biggest lies the patriarchy keeps selling us. It immediately disempowers us, takes all our money, and triggers us to make bad and desperate decisions that further uphold misogynistic systems. The truth is, once I let go of that belief myself, I started attracting men who value me for who I am, and not for my age or the babies I may or may not be able to give them. Even men who have no idea I froze my eggs this year seem a lot more interested in me as a person, as a creative, and as a writer than they are in how old I am.
I don’t doubt that’s because unsubscribing to this outdated and sexist narrative that women become undesirable after 35 has made me more confident. Dating also got easier because I was doing it more on my own terms. I’ve accepted that I have a dominant personality just like my Dominican mami, and often like to take charge and call the shots. Therefore, I prefer gentle, secure, and laid-back masculine men who comfortably and confidently go with my flow and my pace. But this is something I had to learn with age.
At 39, and approaching 40 next year, I know I’m more comfortable and happier in my skin than ever before. I have very few moments when I’m not satisfied with what I see in the mirror. My body is toner, healthier, and way more snatched at 39 than it even was at 19 – despite being thinner at that age. My skin is smoother, clearer, and more radiant than ever, and my curls have never been this long, thick, and healthy in my entire life. And even on the days where I feel like I haven’t met enough career milestones or financial goals – most of my anxiety stems from the fact that I’m still not a rich auntie – I can still remind myself of all I’ve managed to accomplish as a professional writer and culture and identity journalist, something most people never get to do in their lifetime.
I’ve learned that finding love has nothing to do with age and everything to do with how you see yourself. As long as you see yourself as the prize, you’ll attract what you believe you’re worthy of. As I near 40 – my birthday is next April – I feel more excited than ever about the woman I’m becoming. Five or six years ago, I might have been anxious about milestones I still haven’t reached or worried that I’d never meet the love of my life because of ageist beliefs. But now, as a more confident and self-assured version of myself, I’m genuinely excited for the woman I’ll be in this new chapter and for the amazing people I’ll meet along the way. Here’s to embracing that mindset and knowing that love is absolutely possible at any age – no matter what your abuelita might have told you!
Johanna Ferreira is the content director for PS Juntos. With more than 10 years of experience, Johanna focuses on how intersectional identities are a central part of Latine culture. Previously, she spent close to three years as the deputy editor at HipLatina, and she has freelanced for numerous outlets including Refinery29, Oprah magazine, Allure, InStyle, and Well+Good. She has also moderated and spoken on numerous panels on Latine identity.
