Shailene Woodley describes herself as a “very sexual person.” In an interview on the “SHE MD” podcast on Sept. 24, the “Three Women” actor opened up about her sexuality, how she finds pleasure, and why porn just doesn’t do it for her.
“The way that sex is presented on the surface in this country is so fabricated, and it’s such a performance instead of true intimacy, vulnerability and connection,” she said on the podcast. “If people knew what was possible with sex, they would look at porn and go, ‘Oh god, this is like junk food.” Later in the podcast, Woodley described the medium as “bacon hanging in front of a dog.” To her, the biggest problem with porn is that it’s not real intimacy: “You’re selling everybody McDonalds when you could have, like, whoa.”
Now I don’t think Woodley’s comments are completely out of pocket: mainstream porn does tend to focus on an exaggerated, often unrealistic version of sex. But that doesn’t necessarily make it bad either.
In the same way junk food satisfies a craving, so can porn. If you pass me a Nerd cluster or sour gummy worm, I’m not going to turn it down. I may even go out of my way to buy the candies some days. Of course, it’s not an everyday occurrence, but indulging in the sweet, sugary goodness is good for my soul – kind of like how some people view porn with their orgasms.
Experts Featured in This Article
Emily May is an AASECT certified sex therapist and writer at Private Sugar Club, an online dating platform.
“The truth is, not all porn is created equal,” sex therapist Emily May says. “There are so many new alternatives out there now that show sex in a way that’s inclusive, human, and pleasurable for everyone involved.” (Hi, audio porn, erotic short stories, and the list goes on.)
In the same way junk food satisfies a craving, so can porn.
Sure, there’s a lot of porn out there that might have the opposite effect on your libido. (Few women will say they actually get off to the jack-hammer sex position – a porn specialty.) But sex doesn’t always have to be deep. Porn can be like a quick dose of pleasure when you don’t have time for anything else. Just like there’s a time and place to sit down and indulge at a steak restaurant, there’s a time and place to eat a Cheesy Gordita Crunch in your car.
That said, I do understand where Woodley is coming from. Some porn continues to perpetuate harmful stereotypes and focus exclusively on the male gaze. It’s not exactly realistic to orgasm from penetration as often as you may see in porn. But if porn is something you enjoy, you don’t have to feel bad about it.
Unless you’re using porn excessively or to avoid something deeper in your relationships, Dr. May says porn use can be perfectly healthy. “I’m all for it if it’s making you feel good,” she says.
At the end of the day, there’s a time and place for quickies and fast masturbation sessions courtesy of porn, just like there’s a time and place for long vacation sex or a steamy foreplay session. “If you’ve got a great relationship or a satisfying solo routine, porn doesn’t negate that,” Dr. May says.
It ultimately comes down to your personal preference. And while I personally love an expensive sushi experience, I equally enjoy a McDonalds large fry.
Taylor Andrews is a Balance editor at PS who specializes in topics relating to sex, relationships, dating, sexual health, mental health, and more.
