It’s normal to crave novelty at some point in a relationship. When that happens, you may experiment with kink play to try something new, or you could engage in different role-play scenarios for the thrill. But regardless of how adventurous you want to be, temperature play may just be the easiest way to bring some excitement to your sex life.
Known as being a form of erotic exploration, temperature play uses heat and cold to stimulate and excite the senses, sexologist Carol Queen, PhD, says. Because lots of activities can fall under the temperature play umbrella, it’s great for those who aren’t looking to venture too far past the vanilla lifestyle, but also an option for those who are already experienced fetishists.
In other words, temperature play exists on a spectrum. Similarly to something like voyeurism and exhibitionism, there are varying degrees of intensity and pressure depending on an individual’s comfort level and desire.
If temperature play sounds like something you’d be down to try – and trust me, it should be! – here’s everything you need to know about temperature play, including how to incorporate it into your sex life right after reading this article.
Experts Featured in This Article
Carol Queen, PhD, is a sexologist for sex toy retailer Good Vibes.
What Is Temperature Play?
Temperature play is what happens when you incorporate different temperatures into your sex life with the intent of stimulating those feel-good erogenous zones on the body, says Dr. Queen. Depending on what you prefer, you can use both heat and cold variations, but the options are pretty much endless. In fact, if you’ve ever used an ice cube or massage candle during sex, you may not have known you were already dabbling in “temperature play.”
As for how it works and why it’s so great, Dr. Queen says temperature play introduces a new way of experiencing pleasure that you’re likely not used to. Plus, “your neurology responds to temperature variation naturally – and for some, this can add to erotic response or help unearth kinks we didn’t know we had.”
What Are Some Ways to Incorporate Temperature Play Into Your Sex Life?
An easy way to begin exploring different temperatures on your body is during shower sex or shower masturbation. “If you have a handheld shower massager, you can aim it at the genitals or wherever you want to explore the effects of temperature change,” Dr. Queen says.
If you don’t have a handheld showerhead, you can use this Waterslyde product ($35) to experience similar sensations – just note it’s better suited for a bath than shower. That said, Dr. Queen warns that you shouldn’t let a powerful stream of water of any temperature rush into the vagina, as it can be dangerous. “If you are playing with a shower massager on the genitals, focus it externally,” Dr. Queen says.
Another great option for temperature play: an ice cube. For solo action, run the ice cube down your body, paying close attention to how it makes you feel on common erogenous zones like your neck, nipples, and inner thighs. For partnered play, you can run the ice cube down your partner’s pleasure spots or put it in your mouth as you perform oral sex on them.
If you’re looking to get a lil more advanced, you can warm or cool down a sex toy by placing it in the freezer or boiling it in warm water, so long as the product is waterproof. Dr. Queen recommends using sex toys made of glass or metal, since a temperature change won’t last as long on a silicone-made toy. Just make sure you’re letting the temperature sit before immediately using it. “If it went in the freezer, let it warm up a bit before playing with it. If it was in boiling water, that’s too hot,” she says, and you should let it cool off. A good rule of thumb? If it’s too hot or cold to be picked up, it shouldn’t go on any part of your body just yet.
Lastly, you could try incorporating massage candles into your sex routine. Just note that you’ll want to use specific massage candles like this one from Lovehoney and not any regular candle you have hanging around your apartment, as massage candles have a lower melting temperature, Dr. Queen says. As for how to use it, Dr. Queen suggests lighting the candle and dripping or pouring it onto the skin directly.
Temperature Play Tips
As with any type of sex, it’s important to start by communicating your wants, needs, interests, and hard boundaries with your partner. If you both enthusiastically consent to temperature play, discuss both of your limits. Then, agree on a safe word like “pineapple” or “red” that you can use if you want to stop or halt play at any point.
Once you’ve agreed on how temperature play will be incorporated into your sex life, have strategies and materials ready to warm up someone who gets too cold or cool off someone who gets too hot, Dr. Queen recommends. This could be as simple as having an ice pack ready in the freezer or a heated blanket on standby.
For general best practices, don’t feel like you have to focus exclusively on the genitals when incorporating temperature play into your sex life. “The whole body is sensitive to heat and coolness. And remember, if you have made an area cool with ice or something else, it will feel amazing if a warm mouth begins exploring it next.”
If you want to get a little kinkier, bring a blindfold into the mix, since it “engages the element of surprise,” Dr. Queen says. Your partner won’t know when to expect the cold rush or warmth on their body, making the pleasure that much more intense.
At the end of the day, exploring any new kink or fetish is about connecting with your body and allowing yourself to feel pleasure. If temperature play adds to your sex life, then by all means, keep finding ways to incorporate it. If it doesn’t, no need to force it. Move on to the next activity and you’ll find something better suited for your body and comfort level in no time.
Taylor Andrews is a Balance editor at PS who specializes in topics relating to sex, relationships, dating, sexual health, mental health, and more.
