Welcome to Show the Receipts, a series where we ask interesting people to share exactly how much it costs to get shit done. No matter the task, we’re tracking every last dollar from start to finish. Up next: being in a long-distance relationship.
When my boyfriend and I graduated college, there was never a discussion around whether we would stay together despite living in different cities: I was going to my dream graduate school in Chicago, and Adam was going to his dream job at ESPN in Connecticut. We were excited for each other and knew we would make our relationship work no matter what.
As our time living in the same city came to a close, I remember people used to ask if we were “doing long-distance.” I wasn’t offended by their curiosity, but the question always caught me off guard. Yes, the idea of not being physically together as much was sad, but to us, the alternative of not being together at all was sadder. In a way, distance meant so little when our relationship meant so much.
Now, it’s no secret a long-distance relationship requires work, trust, an unlimited data plan for open and endless communication, and a shared end goal, but it also takes serious financial commitment.
Here’s the cost breakdown. (And full disclosure: a relationship is obviously a two-way street, and the following cost breakdown represents only my personal spending.)
Task: Being in a long-distance relationship
Occupation: Freelance writer
Location: Chicago
Timeline: One year (April 2024 to April 2025)
The Receipts
Airfare: $2,970
Transportation: $980
Food and drink: $1,000
Accommodations: $700
Workout classes: $450
Total: $6,100
How I Did It
Every relationship is different, but Adam and I aim to see each other at least once a month, give or take. We never keep score on who visits who, but I either fly to Connecticut, he flies to Chicago, or we meet somewhere entirely different to visit family, attend a wedding, or take a trip. Since we’re apart more than we are together, it doesn’t matter where we are geographically – it’s just about being together, whether that’s for two days or two weeks.
Where I Splurge
I technically don’t need a car while visiting Connecticut, but since Adam takes his to work, I always rent one. Uber is available, but they tend to be limited and pricey, so I splurge for a rental car for my entire stay. I never like to feel immobile, so a rental car allows me the ability to go somewhere, if needed or wanted.
I also splurge on Solidcore workout classes. I have a Solidcore membership in Chicago, but it (annoyingly) doesn’t transfer cities, so I typically purchase a second Connecticut-based class package. It’s not a necessity, but it makes me happy and provides some semblance of routine. Adam is also a recent Solidcore convert, so we enjoy taking a class together as a date of sorts.
On that note, it often feels like Adam and I have to make up for lost time when we’re together, so the cost of food and drink does rack up. Most days, we go out for coffee and/or a meal. We’re aware cooking at home would be a more cost-effective option, but we like to splurge on the experience of going out. In our long-distance relationship, I’ve found that dates are about quality over quantity (though that’s not to say you can’t have a quality date at home).
Where I Save
The Hartford, CT, airport is small, so flights to and from Chicago tend to be expensive given there are fewer options. That said, I work remotely, so I have the luxury of booking weekday afternoon flights, which tend to be less exorbitant than, say, a Saturday morning. It’s still pricey, but purchasing an off-peak flight is generally a better deal. I also have two airline credit cards so I accumulate miles and can check a bag for free.
I also completely save on accommodations in Connecticut since I stay with Adam. Occasionally we’ll travel and book a hotel or Airbnb, but in that case, we split the cost.
Surprising Expenses
After more than four years of long-distance, I certainly know my way around Orbitz and Google Flights, but I will never get over the range of airfare pricing. An average flight from Chicago to Hartford costs around $400 round trip, though I have spent as little as $200 and as much as $600. You’d think higher ticket prices would correlate to busier seasons, like the holidays or spring break, but that’s not always the case. It’s shocking when flights for a seemingly random weekend cost double the average.
Oh, and I’m consistently surprised when in-flight WiFi costs more than $10. Again, not a necessity, but since flights during the workday are typically less expensive, I try to maximize my time.
How I Budget
In full transparency, I’m not a strict budgeter, especially when what’s at stake is time with someone I love and miss. However, my airfare budget is loosely capped; for my own financial stability, I’ve determined I’m unable to purchase a round-trip flight for more than $650 (especially if it’s only for a weekend trip). Adam and I do our best to see each other once a month, but if flights just aren’t feasible, we’ll wait a few extra weeks. It’s not ideal, but you have to draw the line somewhere.
Final Thoughts
I understand a long-distance relationship is not for everyone, but in my experience, it’s worth every penny. It can certainly be expensive and vary in cost depending on the distance and situation, but I like to think of the consistent financial commitment as an expression of love.
Andi Breitowich is a Chicago-based freelance writer and graduate from Emory University and Northwestern University’s Medill School of Journalism. Her work has appeared in PS, Women’s Health, Cosmopolitan, and elsewhere.
