When it comes to general family dynamics, there’s one thing people on social media seem to agree on: the mom’s side of the family just hits different. In one viral TikTok from October 2024, Brooke Monk compares how she acts around her dad’s side of the family to how she acts around her mom’s side of the family, and the differences couldn’t be more clear.
Whether it’s your maternal grandma who always has your favorite snacks stocked in the pantry or your aunt who feels more like a second mom than anything else, the extended family on your mom’s side may not feel “extended” at all. For as often as you see them – and as much as you genuinely enjoy seeing them – they just feel simply like family.
The dynamic on your dad’s side though? For some, it can bring different vibes. When you visit them, things may feel a little less natural. There may be more small talk and formalities, and you might struggle to connect with an uncle or cousin whose humor feels a little too condescending or worse: political. Even the holiday family traditions might feel unfamiliar and forced.
But is there a psychological reason why people generally bond better with their mom’s side of the family? Or is it purely a coincidence? Below, adolescent mental health expert Caroline Fenkel, DSW, LCSW, explains.
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Caroline Fenkel, DSW, LCSW, is an adolescent mental health expert and the chief clinical officer at Charlie Health, a treatment program for teens and adults struggling with their mental health.
Why You May Feel Closer to One Side of the Family More Than the Other
There’s no hard and fast rule that states you’ll come out of the womb being closer with the maternal side of your family. For some people even, they may be way closer to the paternal side of the family. But according to Dr. Fenkel, there are some “psychological and relational dynamics” that can explain why the maternal side of the family tends to be more popular.
One reason is because mothers tend to take on the “emotional labor of maintaining family connections,” Dr. Fenkel says. This can be by way of hosting the holidays at your house or planning vacations to see each other. “If a mother prioritizes connection with her side of the family, children naturally have more exposure to and familiarity with those relatives,” Dr. Fenkel adds. And because men are less likely to take on this role, you may not connect with your paternal relatives as much.
Another reason why your maternal side could be more comfortable for you is because “maternal relatives traditionally play a more significant role in caregiving,” Dr. Fenkel says. “Especially in childhood.” If your maternal grandma spent more time babysitting you or at your house than your paternal grandma when you were younger, it makes sense that you’ll feel closer to the maternal side.
Additionally, “if a child feels comfortable and safe with the mother, they may also extend those feelings to her family,” Dr. Fenkel adds.
“It’s more about who feels most connected, supportive, and involved in the child’s life.”
But of course, location also heavily influences how close you will be with both sides of your family. If your mom’s family lives right up the street, you’ll likely see them more than your dad’s side of the family that may live a few states over. If this is the case for you, it makes sense that you would be closer with your mom’s side of the family simply because you see them more often.
Family structure and individual personalities play a big role, as well. The relatives that you connect most with depends on who is more present, engaging, and approachable – regardless of what side of the family they come from, Dr. Fenkel adds.
For this reason, the side you’re closer with comes down to “individual family dynamics rather than a generalizable rule,” Dr. Fenkel says. “The ‘mom’s side’ vs. ‘dad’s side’ preference is less about some universal truth and more about who feels most connected, supportive, and involved in the child’s life.”
Though many people on social media may be all for the maternal side of the family, it doesn’t mean anything’s wrong with you if your family dynamic works differently. It really just depends.
Taylor Andrews (she/her) is the balance editor at PS, specializing in topics relating to sex, relationships, dating, sexual health, mental health, travel, and more. With seven years of editorial experience, Taylor has a strong background in content creation and storytelling. Prior to joining PS in 2021, she worked at Cosmopolitan.
