Somewhere between the first date and now, you may have noticed making out become entirely MIA in your long-term relationship. Replaced with quick little pecks on the mouth or sex that bypasses any sort of tongue tangling, making out has become an act exclusively reserved for horny teenagers and new couples. But what about for the rest of us?
According to relationship expert Nicole Moore, making out often gets moved to the “unnecessary category” in long-term relationships. “Long-term couples already know everything about each other, and they’ve been intimate so many times, it can feel like there’s nothing new to explore,” she adds.
Couples then may choose to explore a new kink or sex position instead of reverting back to the tried and true basics of kissing. But if there’s one thing that needs to be resurrected from the forgotten corners of long-term relationships everywhere, it’s making out. Below, Moore explains why.
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Nicole Moore is a relationship therapist and founder of the “Love Works Method,” a program that has helped people find lasting love fast.
Why Making Out With Your Partner Is Beneficial
For one thing, kissing your partner is good for you. “Making out with your partner can release feel-good chemicals such as dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin, so there’s definitely a physiological and emotional benefit to making out,” Moore says. It also just feels really good. There’s a reason why you spent hours in the backseat of your car in high school dry humping and making out, and I promise it’s not because you thought it just felt “fine.”
Above all though, making out with your partner can be “extremely beneficial to your relationship,” Moore says. No matter how long you’ve been together, making out can spark more intimacy and increase your sexual connection. It can also be a great way to intensify the connection with your partner.
“At the end of the day, making out is fun and pleasurable, so bringing back more make outs with your partner really can boost your overall happiness and excitement level,” Moore adds.
How to Make Out With Your Partner Again Without It Being Awkward
OK, I get it. How do you just make out with your partner when you haven’t made out with them in forever? Though it may seem or feel awkward, Moore says the most important thing is to not let any fears of rejection or awkwardness get in the way. “It just takes someone to bravely take a first step toward intimacy for your partner to meet you right there,” she adds.
Instead of just laying it on your partner when they least expect it though, Moore suggests starting slow. “Test the waters by holding your hello or goodbye kiss for just a little longer than usual,” she recommends. If you and your partner get excited about this, don’t be afraid to add some tongue action eventually as well. From there, talk to your partner about how good it feels and how you can’t wait to kiss them more later in the day.
Another approach: use make out scenes in sexy TV shows and movies as your buffer. “If you’re watching something where the characters engage in a make out session, it’s the perfect entry point to talk to your partner about making out again,” Moore says. Simply say something like, “I remember when we used to do that! I’d love it if we kissed like that again” and see what your partner thinks.
If you previously loved making out with your partner in the past, trust that there’s a good chance you and your partner will like doing it again. All it takes is a conversation (and perhaps a glass of wine) to remember that “passionate connection is still there, underneath the surface, waiting for you to connect to it again,” Moore says.
Taylor Andrews is a Balance editor at PS who specializes in topics relating to sex, relationships, dating, sexual health, mental health, and more.
