“How come we didn’t talk about that earlier?” Jimmy asked after Jessica revealed she had a daughter on the newest season of “Love Is Blind.” Although much of this conversation was buried beneath the “I look like Megan Fox” discourse and AD’s interracial relationship conversation with Kenneth, it brought up an interesting point: When is the best time to tell your date you have a child?
In season six of the reality show, Jessica, a 28-year-old executive assistant, said that she didn’t want to lead with being a single mom. “I want to give people the chance to get to know me individually first, because even though I’m a mother, and it’s the most important thing to me, it doesn’t define me. I feel like I’ll know when the time is right to tell somebody,” she told host Vanessa Lachey before the dating experiment began.
After a few dates with Jimmy, a 28-year-old salesman, Jessica shared she has a 10-year-old daughter. Jimmy looked undeniably shook despite affirming it wasn’t a dealbreaker.
People on social media weren’t happy with the delayed decision either. One Reddit user wrote, “I do think it was manipulative of Jessica to wait until she had emotional ties with people to mention that she even had a kid.” Another Reddit user said, “she was so wrong for withholding that information.”
Of course, there are likely very valid reasons Jessica chose to not disclose the information right away; she even said she was “terrified” to bring it up to Jimmy in the first place. But for people dating outside of “Love Is Blind” and its infamous pods, is waiting to tell your date you have a child the right decision? Below, relationship expert Nicole Moore explains her stance.
When Should You Tell Your Date You Have a Child?
According to Moore, the best time for a single parent to reveal they have a child to someone they’re dating is right away. “You never want the other person to feel like you waited until they were emotionally hooked to reveal something that might have made them pull away,” Moore says.
No matter if you’re dating in real life, on a dating app, or in a pod on a reality TV show, revealing that you have a child right away will help make clear which matches are worth pursuing. “Being upfront about being a parent is such a great way to easily weed out those who aren’t a match, and it’s even better if they are weeded out before you have to spend time and money on a date,” Moore says.
Of course, telling someone right away that you have a child may end with rejection, something no one wants to experience. But Moore believes that the sting of rejection may only help you find your person(s) sooner. “It can be hard to keep your heart open in the face of rejection, but to be successful in dating as a single parent, you really do have to keep the faith that someone great, who will love and accept you and your child, is out there.”
“You have to be brave enough to reveal your whole self early on.”
While it’s very possible that some people may view having a child as a dealbreaker, others may not care, and some may even be excited about it. “In order to find the truly right person for you, you have to be brave enough to reveal your whole self early on and risk rejection from the wrong people in order to open yourself up for someone who really is a match,” Moore says.
How to Tell Your Date You Have a Child
Tell your date you have a child with confidence, Moore says. “Don’t bring having a child up as if it’s some bad thing you want to hide. Bring it up as if it’s an amazing aspect of who you are and something that you want to share with people right away because you need someone who is a fit,” she adds.
If you’re online dating, you can mention in your Tinder bio or in a Hinge prompt that you are a single parent. Or, as Jessica mentioned to Jimmy, you could ask your date about their family, and when they return the question, you can use that opportunity to talk about your own.
To help, Moore suggests using this script, which you can text or say in real life: “It’s really important to me that anyone that I date knows, values, and respects this one thing about me, and it’s so important that I do need to share it early on in the dating process. I’m a parent, and I love being a parent, and I’m looking to be with someone who is fully open to the fact that I have a child. If that’s you, great, and I’d love to continue getting to know you. If that’s not you, unfortunately I don’t think it makes sense to continue getting to know each other. What are your thoughts on this?”
Again, being honest and upfront from the beginning may end in rejection, but if someone doesn’t want to be with you because you have a child, you’re that much closer to finding someone who will want to be with you because you have a child.
“When you stop trying to hide being a parent to avoid being rejected, and, instead, focus on finding someone who will naturally love the fact that you’re a parent and value it, your entire dating energy changes,” Moore says, “and you are often able to attract way better matches.”
